Marriage and Beyond

posted by Jennie on Jun 6

It did not exactly occur to me that Parent Talk 101 was to focus particularly on communication with young adults/teenage children. But that did not get me disappointed. I think it is necessary for parents to be ready way ahead of the actual battle. This is what we did before I gave birth to my son. From learning how to be BabyWise to attending to childbirth classes. These helped us a lot to conceptualize the kind of parents we want to be. It is our first and we knew we had to start right.

There are a few things that I did not exactly agree with Pastor Clem (some minor stuff on child rearing), but there were a whole bunch that the hubby and I did agree with him on. Training up a child isn’t exactly as easy as motivating him or her to get into a Fastin diet. It does involve relational parenting. As with the previous parenting seminars the hubby and I attended, being intentional parents is a non-negotiable aspect of effective parenting.

It was the second time I heard Pastor Clem Guillermo quoted People Making by Virginia Satir, which I will post in a bit. Meanwhile, I hope to share what he spoke on Understanding Yourself as a Parent.

He first identified the first Ineffective Parenting Style. Permissive Parenting – children run roughshod over their parents. Pampering is under this category. Pastor Clem defined it as doing for children what children can do for themselves.

He particularly set out examples that actually struck me. The examples he mentioned were:
• Waking children up in the morning.
• Looking for children’s misplaced item.
• Taking most household chores
• Allowing children to disregard rules
• Giving children special privileges

The first example struck me especially. Although, my four year old son is a little too young to be in a particular schedule (we are just about to start with formal home school), my mindset has always been that I would be responsible for him to wake up at a particular time. Pastor Clem reiterates that this does not teach them to be responsible. The best thing to do is give them an alarm clock.

As for looking for my son’s misplaced item. It helps that I do not have the luxury of time to follow after his mess. This somehow forced me to train him early on. He learned packing away his toys as early as less than a year old. The advantage now is, although he can be just like any regular toddler, notorious for being such a messy creature, he easily gets it when I remind him about the toys he left on the table or on the floor. But more often than not, he does it by himself. If he forgets, he got distracted and just needed to be reminded.

At four years old, I should say that he is doing well in this. Even better than the hubby does, believe it or not. My son is even the one who reminds him, from time to time. I am proud of my son, to say the least. Early training really helps. For one I have to make it work. I have no choice. I have no help, I chose to be nanny-less, I single-handedly juggle things from my end and I stood firm that my circumstance would never be an excuse for me to fail as a mother.

The parenting seminar gave me both valuable insights and validated how the hubby and I are training up our son. Parent Talk 201 will be held in SM North this coming October 2009. I will be posting details very soon.

posted by Jennie on May 27

Another parenting tip I got from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids.  It reminds me to cherish my son and indulge him as we sail together in his world. This is especially hard for me because I work from home.  But it is also part of my commitment.  As important as my job is, my child is more important.  It fills my cup to the brim whenever I see in his eyes that he understands why mama needs to work after spending quality time with him. His eyes will not fail to tell me that his love tank needs replenishing, whenever I get too busy for him.

Here is the excerpt from Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller’s book.

One way to honor our children is to enjoy them with their own interests in mind. You may think that’s pretty easy. After all, you’ve been enjoying your children for years. But many parents, after careful examination, discover that they’re enjoying themselves and inviting their children to join in. Often parents determine the conversation topics, the entertainment choices, or the outing destinations. Parents make choices they think will please their children, but in reality, they’re loving their children in ways that they themselves would like to be loved.

One day when my (Scott) children were young, I told them that they could each have a half hour of my time during which I would play whatever they wanted. Melissa, at four years old, chose playing with dolls. I never realized how long a half hour was! We must have explored everything that one doll could say to another. I also learned that dressing a doll is like trying to put an octopus in a string bag. You just get one part in and something else falls off. I realized then that I often choose to enjoy my children according to my own needs and interests instead of theirs.

Do you know your child’s favorite color, foods, or friends? Many children are willing to join in with their parents’ plans and the family ends up having a lot of fun together. But focusing on a child’s interests and topics of conversation can be a good way to show honor. This is especially important with teens. Listening to their music, allowing them to teach you how to play a computer game, or just having a discussion about something they like offers connecting points that parent/child relationships need. The skill of enjoying children according to their needs and interests is one way of honoring kids and expressing to them that they’re valuable.

* an excerpt from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

posted by Jennie on May 26

I officially got back to my 12 hour schedule in doing online tasks since early last week. It has been a while since my schedule dove down to 8 hours a day. So that only means two things: business is picking up and my health might be on the line again. Balance is the key. I have since learned this when I was too keen on taking up a lot of tasks than my body could actually handle. It was when my resistance went down to its all time low last year. Now I know better. Risking my health only means risking my family’s as well. In fact, I turned in earlier than usual last night – before midnight struck.

Free time is not something I usually get my hands on whenever I fancy. Especially now that I will soon get down to a rigid schedule when I start homeschooling our little guy when June comes. It would possibly mean that I would have practically zero time to do other things like watching my favorite tv series. It would be sweet if we have something like Time Warner Digital. I will be able to record favorite tv programs (which are not plenty) and watch them when I’m free. Simply because I cannot have the program’s time slot (even that of my favorite ones) enslave me and get me off my schedule. Their Time Warner Digital Cable bundle offer will be the most convenient. One bill for all three services: high speed internet, Time Warner Digital Phone and cable services.

Honestly, I literally hear the clock ticking on me. I would like to think that I am given as much task as I could handle now, because I would have no choice but to slow down when I start Jed with homeschool. As much as I am very thrilled for our son to start with school, I cannot help but wonder how I could keep off my laptop and attempt to juggle home school and work. Quality will be the one word that will keep me. Besides, I will have all the time from after lunch onwards to juggle my online tasks and house chores. That will be the time when superwoman will try to be better at what she has been doing all along.

posted by Jennie on May 18

I. Opening Activities (8:00 - 8:25)

II. Review of Previously Learned Letters ( 8:25 - 8:40)

III.  Animal Story/Review (8:40 - 9:00)

IV. Physical Development (9:00 - 9:15)

V. English/ Review/Master the Letter/ Word Building Review (9:15 - 9:35)

VI. Math  (9:35 - 9:45)

VII. Fruit Break (9:45 -10:00)

VIII. Character Building / Bible Story and Song (10:00 - 10:20)

IX. Scripture Memory (10:20 - 10:30)

X. Break (10:30 - 11:00)

XI. Science (11:00 - 11:15)

XII. Social Studies (11:15 - 11:30)

XIII. Quiet Time (11:30 - 11:45)

XIV. Final Activities (11:45 - 12:00)

posted by Jennie on May 8

The issue of family planning in a Christian family is a rather controversial one. There is no passage in the New Testament about the issue of birth control. Obviously, God has left this one issue up to the couple, as long as they do not go against the other commandments. Which brings me to mention that abortion is a no-no. Exodus 20:13 says “Do not murder.”  Abortion is killing a human being.

The size of a family is all up to the couple to decide. Although God has given Adam and later Noah (after the Flood), the command to replenish the earth, a few other factors about raising a family should also be considered.  Raising a family means getting into a commitment to train up each and every child aright. The ability to provide should also be looked into. A larger family automatically means more tuition and basically more of everything.

If ever a couple decides to have an unlimited number of children is up to them. But they should also get into this with the responsibility that goes with such decision. If ever they decide to get into something invasive like getting a more permanent contraception and later have a vasectomy reversal. Again, it’s really all up to them. So long as there is no event of killing the fertilized egg and abortion, the kind of family planning a couple decides should not matter. This means NO to that morning-after pill as well. 

On the other hand if a couple decides to just have one child, they should also consider the danger of spoiling the child. This is very common in a family with one child. This is why our hearts’ desire is to have another child. But if this is not in God’s plan, then we are okay with it. Having an only child, we put it upon ourselves to be more aware that we do not spoil him in any way.  Right from the time that we were still pregnant with our son, our prayer has always been to more than just have a child that we could live with, but who will be a blessing to the people around him, as well. So far, even as there is this tendency to have that center of attention on him, he knows who is in command. We would like to think that he is considerably one disciplined child.

More than the issue of how big or small a family should be, it is more important to subject our family to what God has intended it to be. Prayerfully plan and envision what you want in your family and decide from there.

posted by Jennie on May 7

Today is our son’s first time to attend Daily Vacation Bible School (DVBS).  The hubby and I thought, he was ready for it and we had him attend the first day.  He was thrilled at first but later on got overwhelmed by the loud screaming the other kids were doing during the large group assembly.  It was another first for him.  

posted by Jennie on Apr 18

My little guy started having fever Thursday morning. He had fever (38-39 degrees Celsius) for most of the day until the next day at six in the afternoon.  No cough and colds, no loss of appetite, still bubbly and playful. So we really can’t call it the flu. We brought him to the Pedia Friday morning just to be told that blood tests will not help because fever was just a day old. So if it was Dengue, the test will not come back positive until at least the third day. Today is the third day and Jed has been fever free for twelve hours until another episode of low grade fever came back again at two in the afternoon.

If it was not for the kid on the next block who had Dengue last month, I wouldn’t be as concerned. We don’t have mosquitoes in our home because of our trusty JML pest shield. We got that to get rid of stray roaches and since I bought it a year ago, it did not just get rid of roaches, but millipedes and mosquitoes as well. It was frustrating that our brand new home was infested with millipedes! Now we hardly use anti-mosquito spray anymore, really. This deserves a separate post altogether.

Going back to this Dengue scare, for non-Filipinos, please know that it is not pronounced as “den-goo” as one website claims. It is pronounced as ˈdeŋ-gē, -ˌgā . Etymology is American Spanish. But we usually pronounce it with a short “e” –  den-g-eh. Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever (DHF),  mostly found in the tropics, is spread to human with the bite of female aedes mosquitoes. The virus incubates the human body for 2 to 7 days before it leads to fever.

According to my father (which was later reinforced by some health magazine), these dangerous dengue carrier mosquitoes are only active until ten in the morning. Since then, I have not allowed my son to play or bike around the house, even in the garage before 10:00AM. We certainly make sure we do not have stagnant water around us, but still with a neighbor’s grandson across the block having just had his bout with Dengue, we could not be more careful. But a few days back, my son went out to see his grandma and they stayed outside, came back with mosquito bites around the legs.

These past couple of days was spent reading on this scary disease, its symptoms and cure. Symptoms include: fever, headache, severe joint pain and rash. But I also read that toddlers may have non typical symptoms, so that leaves us clueless for now. We are hoping and praying that what Jed has is just viral. The fever that he has been having since are all six to twelve hours apart and are low grade ones.

I have also been making Sweet Potato Tops (Camote Juice) this last couple of days. There have been a lot of articles that have testified on the potency of Camote juice to cure Dengue. So I thought, if it was Dengue that Jed has,  then he will be cured in no time. Camote tops juice ups the immune system, which helps the body fight the rapid reduction of the blood platelets.

We are praying that Jed will fully recover soon, whatever this is, his pedia said to hope that it is just viral. He sure is getting better by the day. I am just blessed that it was never hard for me to have him take his juice medicine (whether lemongrass or sweet potato tops).  Despite of his fever, he still remains the chatterbox, playful boy, ever cooperative with the juices and paracetamol medications that I give him. His appetite remains the same.  

As I said in this Plurk page,  I refuse to worry and am confident that God will heal my cutie pie real soon.   Thank you so much for those who prayed with us, especially our church family in SBC-Makati. 

posted by Jennie on Apr 14

PARENT TALK 101 with Rev. Clem Guillermo as speaker, will be on June 6, Saturday, 2-5pm. It will be held at the NIA auditorium, National Printing Office Road corner EDSA, Quezon City (across GMA7). P150 per person (this includes the hand-outs for the seminar)

posted by Jennie on Apr 6

We are blessed to have been able to get hold of books like The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson, On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo, Standing Tall by Steve Farrar, et.al., at the times that we needed them.  The hubby and I read Standing Tall and On Becoming Babywise just before I gave birth to our son and The Strong Willed Child, during the threat of the terrible twos.  We officially call it a “threat,” because it really only lasted a couple of months, tops.  The Lord clearly led us to this book to have us figure out how to handle that critical period of raising a child.   

Sure it was a battle of the wills, the most frustrating time ever.  But the Lord led us to the Biblical way of handling that phase and now we enjoy the benefits of having a loving and secure child who not only respects authority, but is also a joy to live with.  Oh no, he is not all bright and shiny, he has his days as well. But nothing that a sincere talk cannot handle.  He knows who is in charge and he knows that he is loved.

The war between attachment parenting and the other extreme was at its peek when I gave birth to our son.  But I knew that as a family, we did not have to conform to either of the two.  We listened to both sides and figured out from there which is extreme, which is not and decided to be led by no less than God himself through his Word.   

Here is another parenting insight from Biblical Parenting.  Be blessed and may we impact the lives of our children the way the Lord has intended us to.

Many parents use a simple behavior modification approach to raise their children. “If you get your homework done, then you can go out and play.” “If you clean your room, then you can watch a video.”

Unfortunately children trained this way often develop a “What’s in it for me?” mentality. “If I don’t get something out of it, why should I obey?”

God is concerned with more than behavior. He’s interested in the heart. The heart contains motivations, emotions, convictions, and values. A heart-based approach to parenting looks deeper. Parents still require children to finish their homework and clean up their rooms but it’s the inner motivation and character that they’re addressing.

A heart-based approach shares values and reasons behind rules. It requires more dialogue, helping children understand how their hearts are resistant and need to develop cooperation. A heart-based approach is firm but also relational. It’s a mindset on the part of parents that looks for heart moments that then bring about significant change.

As you consider your children, remember the words that God said to Samuel, “Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.”

This concept is explained more fully of the book, Parenting is Heart Work, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

posted by Jennie on Apr 3

One year ago today, I was in one of those hospital beds in Medical City - a confinement that lasted almost a week. It was longer than my hospital stay when I gave birth to my son. I was then enrolled in my review classes and everything had to be on a halt. Not to mention the board exam that I was to take in the next couple of weeks. It was actually the onset of a year full of bed rests, doctor’s visits, endless medications and all those tens of thousands of pesos that went along with it. Being sick is not easy, to say the least.

“This year will be different,” this is what I claimed in faith. The first quarter of 2009 is almost over and we are all doing okay. I believe one of the major things that contributed to our being healthier is having the Vaxigrip Flu vaccine during the first month of this year. The event invite where we got the shots came in just in time because we were really scheduled to get our shots the first week of February.

A collage that I made from the Bakuna event that we attended. We got our little guy ready the night before by letting him know that he’s getting the shot together with mama. We were all surprised that he volunteered to get the first shot. Even though he stepped back when he saw the syringe, I still think it was best that I had him ready for it. So there will be no room for trauma for anyone - worked for us from day one.

If there was anything, I am more than thankful that our family attended the Bakunado Campaign through the efforts of Sanofi Pasteur last January. It was because of that event that I was made set to be more vigilant than I ever was. It was a real eye opener. If there was anything that I learned as I browsed through http://www.bakuna.ph, flu is nothing like a simple case. I learned a whole lot about the strains of influenza, its causes and how it spreads. The truth of the matter is, a whole bunch of complications can stem from what I used to call a simple case of influenza (Trangkaso in our vernacular).

After the roller coaster ride our family had with influenza last year, I can never emphasize enough the importance of getting the Flu vaccine yearly. It is our best shot in getting a better quality of life .

posted by Jennie on Mar 29

Parents have such great influence on our child. Aside from the obvious that we pass on the character that we have to them from early childhood to the developments along the way as he grows up. It all boils down to the concern of bringing up a healthy, God fearing individual who one day will be able to answer more than just the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

A child’s social competence, school readiness, curiosity usually predetermines his success in school and career choices. One thing that parents should avoid is the premeditation of what career a child should take. This usually becomes an issue during a child’s adolescence. Self estimation should always be considered, and we should allow them to that. It might be true that you more than any other person should see the giftings of your child, encourage him every step of the way, but the decision has got to come from him. Chances are he might not have the same career in mind at adolescence than the one he will decide on when he’s ready for college.

If he would rather be enrolled in an electrical school when he grows up, so be it. For some parents, they would love to have more than just electrician certification for their child, that’s for sure. But the support will always be very important. Even to the point of choosing with the child from a list of electrical schools. Truth be told, some parents insist on a certain career for their child out of a frustrated dream they once had. That’s old school. I know of several parents of this generation learning from the mistakes of the previous ones and this is among those.

Consistency is the key. Parental influence and impact is inevitable. It is either beneficial or otherwise. The proper school support also helps. It’s good to know that career counseling in schools are now done to help students  decide on which career to pursue.

My son may be but only three years old. But these truths have to be instilled in our thoughts this early for us to be able to help him reach his maximum potential.

posted by Jennie on Mar 26

Having an inquisitive three year old kid can sometimes be stressful for a work from home mom like me. But I knew that I have got to get around this issue somehow, taking care not to put a halt to a child’s hardworking mind. This is why parenting tips like those of Biblical Parenting, really come in handy.  

I pick up some tips and customize it to fit how my son’s personality and figure out from the output if he is responding positively or otherwise. I love this ride to motherhood.  It must be one of the most rewarding roles ever.

One of their more interesting topics is working on definitions with my son. The best time for learning is when the child’s mind is open, just like when he is in his ever inquisitive mood or even during times when he is trying to figure things out, playing with words.

As of late, we have been doing some word plays. Nope, nothing like the word annuities or anything technical. Just simple words that he gets to encounter everyday. Like Obedience, Honor, Attentiveness, Patience, et. al. 

Here are simple working definitions from Biblical Parenting that will not only prove to be child friendly, but very practical as well.  And practical is a word that we need to take note of when dealing with children -  going into specifics, telling them straightforward what are expected of them, et. al.  

Obedience is doing what someone says, right away, without being reminded.

Honor is treating people as special, doing more than what’s expected, and having a good attitude.

Perseverance is hanging in there even after you feel like quitting.

Attentiveness is showing people you love them by looking at them when they say their words.

Patience is waiting with a happy heart.

Self-discipline is putting off present rewards for future benefits.

Gratefulness is being thankful for the things I have instead of grumbling about the things I don’t have.

I use each word whenever a circumstance calls for it.  It will be no use flooding a child with all these working definitions if he will not be able to relate to it right away.  Character building starts here, from the home -from parent to child, through these simple and practical exercises.

I usually have mothers come to me, frustrated about how hard it is to get their children to listen and obey.  It is always my joy to be able to encourage them towards the learnings that the Lord has been revealing to me as a hands on mother.  One step at a time, the road might be rough time and again but with your vision and mission intact and the manual of life as your reference, things can only get better.  If not the best, as the Lord wills it.  

posted by Jennie on Feb 27

Children often do not undertand why parents instruct, correct or limit them.  Your kids likely questionyour wisdom and motivations.  Although your children may resist your parenting, don’t give up. there will be times when you’d rather escape than confront, rest than correct or do the job yourself instead of instructing your children to do it.  Parenting requires sacrific and work.  Be courageous in challenging your children in  spit of their resisitance.  

Hebrews 12:11 reminds us that discipline isn’t easy to accept, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.”  A child screams when he’s about to get an immunization.  He doesn’t care whether it’s going to prevent a disease or not; he just doesn’t like pain.

None of us wants pain in our lives.  But discipline does involve pain.  Whether were doing physical therapy, trying to lose weight, or saving money,  we must give up some things in order to gain something we want.  

Be careful not to let resistance from your kids get in the way of their training.  Children don’t usually have the foresight needed to work hard unless there’s some kind of immediate reward.

But then there are those occasional moments when your son bring in the trashcans without being asked or your daughter cleans up her room on her own.  Those are the small indications  that maturity is just around the corner.  Encourage your children and determine to hang in there beyond the resistance.  Your kids need your self-discipline and persistence as they grow to develop their own.  

An excerpt from the book Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

posted by Jennie on Feb 5

This entry is almost a week late, but given that this is my first post for Mommy Moments, I hope I get away with it.  Feb 6 Mommy Moments is all about the first smile of your kid/s.   I still have a day before the next to its sequel. 

This was taken on July 6, 2005.  My son’s first conscious smile. We all know that babies smile for a handful of different reasons.  All those baby books explain that it is but natural for babies to smile in their sleep, even hours after the baby’s birth and so on and so forth.  Possibly one of the most precious milestones of a baby’s growth is when s/he begins to respond to you through smiling and even cooing. Read the rest of this entry »

posted by Jennie on Feb 4

“Mama, ‘Ano’ is What!”  This is what he proudly announced after having spoken the phrase “ano is what” to himself a couple of times. He was so thrilled to have realized that translation. When he was sure about it, he caught my attention, as if I was not listening all along. Sometimes I try to help it because he gets conscious and stops talking in Filipino/Tagalog altogether. The very few times he does, people around him can’t help but chuckle with his slang Tagalog. This is a puzzle to us, because we definitely speak straight Tagalog to each other around the house, how could it be that our little boy speaks slang Tagalog? Our theory is that the dynamics of how the tongue moves around the mouth to pronounce words is so different when one speaks in English compared to when one speaks in Tagalog.

Our son’s primary language is English. But even if this was so, he was never a snob. He almost always initiates, without thought on the language barrier with kids who only speak Tagalog. No parent would probably label him as a snob.

These past few weeks the hubby and I are teaching him how to talk in Tagalog and construct sentences. He understands Tagalog all right, but it has always been a struggle for him to speak it. You can talk to him in Tagalog and he can carry a conversation, but he is going to answer in English. At least he will not give you anymore, “what are you talking about?” questions, like he used to.

It is fun to see the kids from the church be amused over how Jed tries to talk with them in the vernacular, despite the struggle. Kids sometimes would ask him to talk in Tagalog instead, because this little guy talks a whole lot and they just cannot keep up. There was this one time in McDonald’s play area, when Jed was trying to make friends with a couple of kids and one of the kids said, “Di ka maiintindihan niyan, Hapon yan eh!” (He won’t understand you, he’s Japanese!) I could not help but chuckle in my seat  as I write with one of the stores promotional pens while I watch them play.

This is yet again another milestone for our son. This little chatterbox is already bilingual at three years old. It thrills him to hear himself speak in Tagalog/Filipino and that he is able to communicate in our native tongue. It amuses both me and his father that he is learning all these things.