Meeting the Need for Affection

The Marriage Builders Workbook was one of the materials that we used when we started our Couples group in church several years back.  And we enjoyed it thoroughly! Now that we have probably lost that precious workbook that was passed down to us by my Uncle, to Ondoy, it is just neat to know that we can still find some bits and pieces of Dr. Harley’s insights via books and the internet.  He is the author of the best-selling book “His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage.”

Dr. Harley gave a list of general examples of things a man can do to show affection to his wife and check them off the list as he does.  We all know that men are rather trained (whether consciously or otherwise) to not be very demonstrative. Even young boys are discouraged to shed a tear and are brainwashed to think that “Boys Don’t Cry.” Given that affection is something that is learned, it can be a little frustrating to some wives how husbands just want them to take their words for it that they love them and that’s that.

  1. Hug and kiss your wife and tell her you love her every morning while you’re still in bed. Rub her back for a few minutes before you get up.
  2. Tell her that you love her while you are having breakfast together.
  3. Kiss her and tell her you love her before you leave for work.
  4. Call her during the day to ask how she is doing and that you love her.
  5. After work, call her before you leave to tell her when you will be home, and tell her you love her.
  6. Buy her flowers on the way home at least once a week, with a card that tells her you love her.
  7. When you arrive home from work, give her a big hug and kiss and spend a few minutes talking to her about how her day went. Don’t do anything else before you have given her your undivided attention.
  8. Tell her that you love her as you are having dinner together.
  9. Help her clear off the table and wash and dry the dishes with her, giving her a hug and kiss at least once, and tell her that you love her.
  10. Hug and kiss her and tell her you love her in bed before you both go to sleep.

Some wives might think that giving their husband this list would make the gesture less authentic. Because the initiative did not come from them. On the contrary, the exercise will actually allow for the husbands to practice what is really inside their hearts all along. The wife’s need to be wooed long after the wedding goes beyond all the fancy stuff her husband can give her.  Truth is, a husband, more often than not, wants to meet his wife’s needs. But is just clueless on how to go about it. 🙂

Meeting the Need for Affection

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