I have been reading the book “Intimacy Ignited” by Dr. Joseph and Londa Dillow and Dr. Pepper and Lorraine Pintus which is taking me on a verse-by-verse exploration of the Bible’s manual on sex, the Old Testament book Song of Solomon. The verse that leapt out of the study as I was reading today was Song of Solomon 1:14 “My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyards of Engedi.”
Engedi is described as one of the most beautiful places in Israel; an abundant, thriving oasis fashioned by a hidden spring that pours forth from a limestone rock on top of a cliff located in a vast wilderness of lifeless rock. The water that pours down forms a tropical paradise filled with exotic plants. It is a romantic place where the sweet scent of henna blossoms fills the air. Song of Solomon expands this image of safety to include a hideaway where husband and wife can discover sexual refreshment.
God designed and wants the sexual relationship to be an oasis of sexual refreshment for the husband and the wife. But if this is to be discovered, how married couples view the intimate times together must be viewed as a place of rest. During this difficult time in our marriage, physical intimacy helps us cope, heal and comfort each other. The purpose of this “Engedi” in marriage is to give rest and this may mean sexual release with their spouse for some but it can also mean holding your spouse in your arms and letting her cry. This may vary depending on the needs of your spouse but the key is knowing what your husband or wife needs and offering “Engedi” at the right time.
To make this practical, evaluate which situations trigger a need for “rest” in your spouse. That could be situations like a very busy schedule, bills that are due or a strained relationship. You can also identify which kind of touch caused your spouse to relax. It may be in the form of a massage, sexual stimulation and release or simply cuddling. Words are also important, so be sure to communicate using the right tone and right words to invite your spouse to your “Engedi.”