I personally believe that it is part of mom’s nurturing instincts that we tend to look after our children’s needs first before our spouse. For one, my husband is all but a grown adult, while my child is dependent on me in providing for his needs. Those thoughts are valid ones.
To be fair, because we are mere mortals, we, women, tend to prioritize those that need our attention first. To nurture is our natural wiring. Our physiological and emotional makeup are made of this. It is easy to see in every seemingly practical sense, that it is our children who need our topmost attention. With responsibilities a wife has to attend to, including having to supplement the family income, house chores, on top of looking after the children, it is not easy to step back and see things from outside the box.
But here’s the sad truth, there is nothing that grows couples apart more than a spouse having to compete with his own child. Even as the husband can see the obvious that their child needs the attention, he is also a person in need of affirmation, love and respect and everything else. He had no clue that what he had to bargain for when the baby arrived. The guilt of resenting his own child can even be too much for him to bear that he will just choose to clam up and zone out in his own world. This is when complications and temptations come in. We all know what can happen next.
To say that I was never tempted to put my son first will not be very honest of me. I have reason to believe that at one time or another, this is a phase all wives have to deal with and hopefully devise a way to overcome. When I was figuring out late 2007, and was trying to set up this site, it took me hours. Ideally, I wanted a domain name that has a family-sounding theme, not necessarily focusing on marriage. But after hours and hours of sitting down in my workstation, Marriage and Beyond hit me, and God gave me peace in it.
Basically because it was around that time that God has reminded me to put my marriage first before my child. Reminding me of the principle my husband and I learned through the book, On Becoming Babywise. That a child builds emotional confidence as he sees the genuine love his parents have for each other as opposed to having an atmosphere where the mother and father never give time to be intentional in prioritizing their marriage. It also helps the child to see, especially if you have an only child like we do, that the world does not revolve around him.
A loving and well-nurtured marriage benefits your children too, whether they are two or sixty two. There is nothing better that we can give them than the emotional security that only their parents can give. When this becomes our resolve, our motivation can easily be seen as putting our children first. Bringing us back to prioritizing them over our spouse. Is that bad? If it will be a springboard to bringing back the love you once had for your spouse, then it can’t all be that bad. It’s a win-win, when you come to think of it. And as you choose to nurture your marriage, it will not just benefit your child, it will also reignite the passion and love for each other. And this is something we intentionally choose in our twelve year old marriage. Does it make our son feel less loved? Not at the very least. Whoever has met our son will know the confidence our choice has built in him.
