The Struggle to Become a Selfless Spouse

Almost eleven years into marriage and I will be the first to admit that becoming a selfless spouse, is still to this day, an ongoing struggle for me. There are days that I am especially selfless, but when I’m out of sorts, I am just that – out of sorts. I find myself snap out of the most trivial of things. Truth be told, the crazies of our daily routine have their way of draining out the best of ourselves.

Struggle as it is to become a selfless spouse, pointing to inanimate things, even our circumstances are no reason for me to stay selfish. It can be a default, it is part of being human. But given that I always have a choice, I am reminded time and again with this…

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Eph. 5:22

That reads pretty clear to me. And as little as my love language is spoken by my husband lately, I cannot sulk over self pity of the absence of quality time.  I just have to make do with the efforts he puts and consider the stress he has been in as well. Life goes on. Live with it.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Eph. 5:25

Even as Apostle Paul summons wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord and for the husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church in Ephesians chapter 5, we are practically called to lay down our lives for our respective spouses unconditionally.

With a whole bunch of stressors that come between spouses on a daily basis, it is an active choice to squeeze in and speak each other’s love language whenever we can. We can do something as trivial as grocery shopping and have it mean something just by “being there” and listening, as we do what is essentially a chore.

Above all, choosing to honor and adore. It can be a simple touch on the leg as he drives, when you see on his face and feel like the day did not treat him so well or just stopping altogether for a good couple of minutes, hold her face in your hands and see through her eyes and some words of love.  A couple of things that we do that really mean a lot to both me and my husband.

Striving to becoming a selfless spouse for me means doing something special for my husband every day.  Dying to self or being selfless does not really come so easy, if we come to think about it. It is innate in us to want the people around us to please us. But this does not work in marriage, at least after the vows are said, and beyond the ceremony. One thing’s for sure, someone is going to claim her quality time very soon so that she can press on in this becoming a selfless spouse business. 🙂

The Struggle to Become a Selfless Spouse

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