The endless cycle of selflessness in marriage

One cause of failure of marriage is selfishness. Selfishness points out to the very root of a person’s being – sin. This is why a lot of people will agree with us when we say that marriage is a humbling experience. What could be more humbling than giving up some of the things that you want for the benefit of your spouse. And it does not just happen in one day. An endless cycle of giving is required of every married person to ensure a harmonious relationship.  It’s either that or it becomes a one way street.

Of course no one enters into marriage with the intention of failing. But still the sad part is, many do. If we look a step back, we can see that couples are naturally close during dating and then become gradually distant when they get married. It seems so natural for us to want to please our partner when we are still dating but when we become more familiar with them in marriage, the very things that attract you to your mate are now the cause of irritation. The difference is magnified many times over and couples find themselves pulling away from each other as time goes by. If only couples will work harder to please each other as they were in their courtship stage, then things will be a little lot brighter.

I am not looking any further. I am going to talk about our marriage. No matter how much my husband and I love each other, because we are two different individuals, we sometimes want to do things our own way. It is good when we agree on issues, but what happens when we don’t?  The truth of the matter is, it is easier to spot selfishness in my mate than myself.  What comes next will be a matter of choice for both of us.

After having been married for more than eight years, this is just one of the many things that I have realized and continue to see even in myself. The selfish being in me tends to take my husband for granted, even subtly, sometimes. And he knows this so well, how irritated I sometimes become over the slightest of things. Although this may happen from time to time, I have to bounce back to normalcy, own up and just work harder to be selfless all over again. That is the cycle of marriage.

My personality is the exact opposite of my husband’s. And even though no one person can make me happier than he can, no person can also frustrate me as much as he does. These are just two of the truths I have to live with. I live with them or I suffer. And that is the selfish me speaking. Eight years are enough for me to see right through how I respond, how things work. Even as I counsel married couples, I know the very things to do but I also know that the right things are not always the easiest things to choose. And what makes it sweet? I get to choose. It all boils down to just that – choice. The choice to be a better wife and make this marriage work.

When you come to the bottom of it, marriage should not be a place of struggle.  Acceptance of each other’s differences, wanting to please each other every single day, when all these become like second skin, it just becomes a part of you that you really become “one” with your spouse.   And when selfishness surfaces from time to time (which is just oh so inevitable), you just go back to the fact that life is so much better when you accept, affirm, trust and adore your spouse and then just go right back to forgo of your ulterior motives of “getting even” and choose to forgive, love, forgive and love all over again.   🙂

The endless cycle of selflessness in marriage

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