The toughest thing that I ever have to go through in my counseling sessions is the issue of infidelity. Regardless if it is the unfaithful spouse, victimized spouse or the lover, it can be pretty much a draining session for me, more often than not. It took a while before I actually was able to separate myself from my counselees’ circumstance. And while it is not easy, the fact that it is almost always a spiritual battle makes it all the more harder. Prayer is the one thing that keeps me doing what I do effectively.
There is nothing more damaging for a person’s being, more than having an affair. My husband and I happen to believe that it is important for each spouse to be open to one another. In any event that there are some inconsistencies in your spouse’s actions and schedule, it is just right to allow each other to ask every single question one has in mind, even as distrusting as it may sound.
As one pastor has told us once, when there is a hint of defensiveness, then there should be something that’s going on. If a spouse is attentive, then a secret life of his or her better half should rather be easy to spot. Nobody should know your spouse more than you do. Through the years, you will be able to read each other’s minds and actions without speaking. Unless of course, the “clueless” spouse is on denial. Unfortunately, exit signs are not usually detected by the unfaithful spouse and the lover. When it should be loud and clear right from when the affair was yet to start.
There are instances that an unfaithful spouse would choose to keep the affair after the first sexual encounter. This happens after probably seeing the exit sign before the wrong relationship got even deeper. As noble as the reason would sound, to spare the spouse from unnecessary heartache, when I know I am repentant and will never do it again anyway. This makes for a dishonest marriage.
Whether we like it or not, honesty is a major part of restoration of a marriage, after the issue of infidelity. In fact, honesty is a major part of marriage period. A non-negotiable. Whether or not the unfaithful husband saw the exit signs from the beginning or later in the adultery, and although honesty isn’t really the easiest thing no matter how sincere one may be — it still has to be done. The restoration of a marriage depends on it.