I just love the articles that a fellow homeschooling member from Y! groups shares with us periodically. Thanks again, Karen! These snippets of wise stuff could really come in handy, especially when we parents just find ourselves in some kind of a power struggle with our little ones. For us, it’s not often but it does happen. Even our bright and shiny little guy could test our patience sometimes and it is important to know how we should respond to his attempts of defiance.
Do you find yourself yelling sometimes just to be heard? Does the yelling frustrate you but you feel there’s no other way? We find that parents often yell when they don’t have a plan. Some parents don’t know how to fix a problem with their kids so they become louder, thinking that the intensity created through yelling will have some kind of positive effect. It doesn’t work.
Motivating with harshness can keep children in line or get them to accomplish a task, but that method damages family relationships. In Jeremiah 10:24, Jeremiah prays, “Correct me, Lord, but only with justice, not in your anger, lest you reduce me to nothing. In the end, it is closeness that provides parents with teachable moments and the relaxed enjoyment of family life. Yelling and harshness discourage trust, essential to help young people learn valuable principles about life.
You might be saying, “Wait a minute! My kids won’t obey unless I get angry.If that’s true, then maybe you’ve trained your children to respond to your anger as a signal that it’s time to obey. Kids are smart. They know they can wait until the last minute before responding. They’ve figured out how many warnings you’ll give and they recognize the tone of voice that says you’re ready to deliver a consequence.
One solution is to teach children to respond to a different cue. If yelling is the sign that you mean business, then change the cue to a more constructive signal. If you teach your kids that you’ll back up your words sooner, without anger, then your dependency on anger to get things done will decrease.
This parenting tip comes from the book, Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, buy Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.