Why should love languages be identified in marriages? We are all different individuals. As a couple, we come together in marriage from two different family of origins. It is not really natural for a spouse to know how to really love or at least show love to his or her spouse effectively. I have seen countless of couples frustrated over the facts that they claim that they have shown them all the love they could give their spouses, but they don’t feel appreciated. Many times the frustration snowballs through the years of pent up emotions.
I have seen through the counseling sessions with couples the clear link of conflicts having a lot to do with the principle of love languages. The wife speaks a different language, say that of “quality time”. Now the husband’s love language is “gifts”, so naturally he shows his love to his wife by gift giving. But this does not satisfy his wife. Her love tank is not made full with this act, no matter how good the intentions of the husband is in doing this gift giving gesture. And say, a husband’s love language is “words of affirmation”, so no matter how the wife kills herself in serving him through keeping house and every kind of service she feels could possibly get her love across to her husband, his cup is not made full. Plainly because, his love language is that of “words of affirmation.”The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is one valuable tool we use as we minister to couples. It is always evident that collisions and misunderstandings come from not speaking the language of your spouse to express love. There are five different love languages. These are: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. I hope to share more on this topic and even share some bits and pieces how dear husband and I have come to discover each others love languages and are speaking a second language (each others) as we apply these very principles.