Marriage and Beyond

posted by Jennie on Jul 12

Although it rained quite a bit yesterday, I was really thrilled to wrap up a productive day with friends, over at the Moringa Wellness event. I will post more on that later.

The day started out with my friend, Ria, as we spent more than 4 hours in a photography class in UP Diliman. I really appreciate how she helped me when I got lost along the way. Imagine, I don’t even know my camera! I got frazzled for a while because I thought I lost my lens cover. Haha! And if you are in a class with fast paced lessons, there is no way you can miss anything out or else you won’t just get your money’s worth, but it might leave you clueless through the class.

It was a happy workshop day for me, I love being with Teacher Ria. Although it was not exactly the best day for her, I just love that I could be with her in a class that we both are passionate about. Her sweet spirit can be very inspiring and a not so good day will fail to even mask that. Thanks, Ria! Read the rest of this entry »

posted by Jennie on May 8

The toughest thing that I ever have to go through in my counseling sessions is the issue of infidelity. Regardless if it is the unfaithful spouse, victimized spouse or the lover, it can be pretty much a draining session for me, more often than not. It took a while before I actually was able to separate myself from my counselees’ circumstance. And while it is not easy, the fact that it is almost always a spiritual battle makes it all the more harder. Prayer is the one thing that keeps me doing what I do effectively.

There is nothing more damaging for a person’s being, more than having an affair. My husband and I happen to believe that it is important for each spouse to be open to one another. In any event that there are some inconsistencies in your spouse’s actions and schedule, it is just right to allow each other to ask every single question one has in mind, even as distrusting as it may sound.

As one pastor has told us once, when there is a hint of defensiveness, then there should be something that’s going on. If a spouse is attentive, then a secret life of his or her better half should rather be easy to spot. Nobody should know your spouse more than you do. Through the years, you will be able to read each other’s minds and actions without speaking.   Read the rest of this entry »

posted by Jennie on May 5

It was during the first year that the hubby started pastoring the church in Makati when we started with the couples bible study group. It was the most interesting time for the both of us. It was a challenge, because our marriage was young back then, but the Lord was faithful. He used that time for us to learn while ministering to other married couples.

The Lord led us to use wonderful materials on marriage. Most of which were gifts from my uncle who is also a pastor in America.  The one thing that stood out to be a big issue in marriage is surviving an affair. Others would even ask, does a partner even have to survive an affair at all. Unfaithfulness is hands down, the most devastating experience a partner can ever go through in marriage. Even after everything has been dealt with, it will take a real long while before the feeling of betrayal can ever pass. Sometimes, even never, especially if you try to press on without the kind of support that you need. It has its tendency to continually hunt you and your marriage. This is why in the sessions we have had, we work on the foundation, communication, everything that will keep the couple bonded to each other.

There are a handful of tell tale signs of infidelity. But it is not until the partner has confirmed it that it starts to really hurt endlessly. The thing is a partner only has to go through it once to be convinced that there is nothing more devastating than to be betrayed by your own husband or wife. The scope of infidelity in marriage goes beyond the surface of a wife drowning herself into all the weight loss pills that she could get, justifying her husband’s philandering ways. Thinking it was her fault all along, because she is too big. It even goes beyond the issue of co-dependency.

Although our God is the God who restores what the locusts have eaten, no marriage would want to go through that road of infidelity. I cannot even begin to type the words of devastation that goes along with it. We have always believed that we should at all times be vigilant. We encourage men and women in our church to guard their hearts and minds. In fact one of the favorite books that I use in my discipleship with women in church is Every Woman’s Battle. We cannot focus on repairing broken relationships without zeroing in first on how we were wired and define how the Lord has designed us. Created after His likeness and purposed for His glory.

And just when you might be led to think that this kind of lifestyle is utter boredom, think again. Without all the complications of moral damage, a marriage can enjoy the freedom that no bondage of immorality can ever but fleetingly give.

posted by Jennie on May 4

Amongst the handful of photos from our wedding album, this should singlehandedly picture how Jeff and I felt on the day we were officially called husband and wife.  Tell me, can a wife look giddier than this?  I still remember what I was thinking when I was watching my Jeff sign his name on that contract with eagerness, “This is for real, Jeff is now my husband.”  I was so thrilled, my cheekbones could have popped right there. 

Our Wedding Vows

(08 December 2001)

I, Jeff, take you, Jennie, to be my lawfully wedded wife. Knowing in my heart that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life and my one true love.

On this special day, I give to you, in the presence of God and all those in attendance, my sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful husband.  In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad. And I further promise Jennie, to love you without any reservation, to honor and respect you.

To provide for your needs as best as I can, to protect you from harm and to grow with you, in mind and in spirit. To always be honest and open with you and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

 

I, Jennie, take you, Jeff, to be my lawfully wedded husband. Secure in the knowledge that you will my constant friend, my faithful partner in life and my one true love.

On this special day, I give to you in the presence of God and all those in attendance, my pledge to stay by your side as your faithful wife. In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad. I promise to love you without reservation, to comfort you in times of distress.

To encourage you to achieve higher goals, to laugh with you and cry with you and grow with you in mind and in spirit. To be open and honest with you and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

posted by Jennie on Apr 29

This week’s Mommy Moments is particularly hard for me. You see I take around 500 shots a month since the little guy is born, so choosing from amongst the thousands can be pretty challenging for anyone. 

Any wife and mother will always find joy when she sees her beloved partner in life sinking beautifully into fatherhood with so much grace like my dear husband does.  For someone who has an absentee father for more than half of his life, he is thoroughly excelling in this area.  Proof that it is ultimately a man’s choice what he decides to be and not be dictated by his past circumstance.  For this matter, whatever kind of family of origin he came from.  I love Jeff more each day for being the kind of man he is and the father that he is to our child. Read the rest of this entry »

posted by Jennie on Apr 7

This is the outline of Jeff’s message last Sunday, A Closer Look at Jesus’ Death. Nothing can be more appropriate for the season.  Be blessed.  

Why was there so much blood?

Luke 22:20 Jesus said, “This cup is the New Covenant in my blood which is poured out for you.”

 John 6:53-54″…Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man, and drink His blood, you have no life in you.  Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood, he has eternal life.”

Leviticus 17:14 “The life of every creature is in the blood”

1. Jesus shed His blood because of our sins

Hebrews 12:4 “In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.”

2. The blood means that Jesus sacrificed himself for our sins

Exodus 12:7″…Take blood and put it on the side and tops of the doorframes of the houses where they eat the lambs.”

Exodus 29:12 “Take some of the bull’s blood and put it on the horns of the altar in that temple, with your finger, and pour out the rest of it at the base of the altar.”

Hebrews 7:27 “Unlike the other high priests, He does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for His own sins and for the sins of the people.  He sacrificed for their sins once for all when He offered Himself.”

Hebrews 9:25 “Now He has appeared once for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of Himself.”

3. Jesus saved us from our sins

John 3:17 “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.”

What exactly happened on the cross?

Wrong Idea:

 *Jesus was dying just to give us an example of how we’re supposed to live for others

Biblical truth:

*Jesus’ death was a complete sacrifice

What does the blood of Christ mean to each of us personally?

*It means forgiveness

Hebrews 9:22 “In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”

Ephesians 1:7 “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”

*It also means ownership

Acts 20:28 “Be shepherds of the church of God, which He bought with His own blood.”

*It means reconciliation

Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.”

John 1:12-13 “Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God” ¹³children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

posted by Jennie on Apr 6

We are blessed to have been able to get hold of books like The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson, On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo, Standing Tall by Steve Farrar, et.al., at the times that we needed them.  The hubby and I read Standing Tall and On Becoming Babywise just before I gave birth to our son and The Strong Willed Child, during the threat of the terrible twos.  We officially call it a “threat,” because it really only lasted a couple of months, tops.  The Lord clearly led us to this book to have us figure out how to handle that critical period of raising a child.

Sure it was a battle of the wills, the most frustrating time ever. But the Lord led us to the Biblical way of handling that phase and now we enjoy the benefits of having a loving and secure child who not only respects authority, but is also a joy to live with. Oh no, he is not all bright and shiny, he has his days as well. But nothing that a sincere talk cannot handle.  He knows who is in charge and he knows that he is loved.

The war between attachment parenting and the other extreme was at its peek when I gave birth to our son.  But I knew that as a family, we did not have to conform to either of the two.  We listened to both sides and figured out from there which is extreme, which is not and decided to be led by no less than God himself through his Word.

Here is another parenting insight from Biblical Parenting.  Be blessed and may we impact the lives of our children the way the Lord has intended us to.

Many parents use a simple behavior modification approach to raise their children. If you get your homework done, then you can go out and play. If you clean your room, then you can watch a video.  Unfortunately children trained this way often develop a “What’s in it for me?” mentality. “If I don’t get something out of it, why should I obey?”

God is concerned with more than behavior. He’s interested in the heart. The heart contains motivations, emotions, convictions, and values. A heart-based approach to parenting looks deeper. Parents still require children to finish their homework and clean up their rooms but it’s the inner motivation and character that they’re addressing.

A heart-based approach shares values and reasons behind rules. It requires more dialogue, helping children understand how their hearts are resistant and need to develop cooperation. A heart-based approach is firm but also relational. It’s a mindset on the part of parents that looks for heart moments that then bring about significant change.

As you consider your children, remember the words that God said to Samuel, “Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.”

This concept is explained more fully of the book, Parenting is Heart Work, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

posted by Jeff on Feb 20

Are you an exhorter at home? A lot of times, we tend to act our best when we are with other people outside our own homes and tend to act unkind towards our spouse or children. Because of this we need to cultivate a relational skill called exhortation to be effective parents to our children or partners to our spouse.

Exhorters are people who spur others on to higher levels of achievement. When we become these, we help turn the members of our families into better people.

The apostle Paul demonstrated this skill in his exhortation for Timothy. To be effective influencers in our homes, we need to learn a variety of communication techniques to exhort those around us to strive for higher levels of personal achievement.

Is there someone in your family who might be spurred on to great things as a result of your exhortation?