PANATANG MAKABAYAN
Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas, aking lupang sinilangan
Tahanan ng aking lahi, kinukupkop ako at tinutulungang
Maging malakas, masipag at marangal
Dahil mahal ko ang Pilipinas,
Diringgin ko ang payo ng aking mga magulang,
Susundin ko ang tuntunin ng paaralan,
Tutuparin ko ang tungkulin ng isang mamamayang makabayan,
Naglilingkod, nag-aaral at nagdarasal nang buong katapatan.
Iaalay ko ang aking buhay, pangarap, pagsisikap
Sa bansang Pilipinas.

(English version – translated)

I love the Philippines, the land of my birth,
The home of my people, it protects me and helps me
Become strong, hardworking and honorable.
Because I love the Philippines,
I will heed the counsel of my parents,
I will obey the rules of my school,
I will perform the duties of a patriotic citizen,
Serving, studying, and praying faithfully.
I offer my life, dreams, successes
To the Philippine nation.

This morning, as we were doing the pledge of allegiance to the Philippine flag (Panatang Makabayan), I opted to record my son as he recited. We have been homeschooling for a little more than a month now and although he is still fumbling with the words and with the less than perfect Filipino diction, I am still one proud momma.

His primary language being English, it took extra effort for him to go through every line (as if it isn’t obvious) of the “Panatang Makabayan.” But I know he’ll do better as we go through it everyday. It was not easy for me as well, even as this was not the version that I got used to growing up. Here is an older version that I grew up with:

Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas
Ito ang aking lupang sinilangan
Ito ang tahanan ng aking lahi
Ako’y kanyang kinukupkop at tinutulungan upang maging malakas, maligaya at kapaki-pakinabang
Bilang ganti ay diringgin ko ang payo ng aking mga magulang
Susundin ko ang mga tuntunin ng aking paaralan
Tutuparin ko ang mga tungkulin ng isang mamamayang makabayan at masunurin sa batas
Paglilingkuran ko ang aking bayan nang walang pag-iimbot at nang buong katapatan
Sisikapin kong maging isang tunay na Pilipino sa isip, sa salita at sa gawa.

(English version-translated)

I love the Philippines.
It is the land of my birth;
It is the home of my people.
It protects me and helps me to be strong, happy and useful.
In return, I will heed the counsel of my parents;
I will obey the rules of my school;
I will perform the duties of a patriotic, law-abiding citizen;
I will serve my country unselfishly and faithfully
I will be a true Filipino in thought, in word, and in deed.

Today, Jed also finished his second unit tests in Social Studies and Science. Two stars for him today, too. I look forward to the coming months that he will do better at reciting the pledge of allegiance to the Philippine flag (Panatang Makabayan).

In all our nearly eight wedded years together, as with every marriage, ours are loaded with both ups and downs. The first couple of years were essentially the most challenging. I wasn’t exactly the easiest person to live with. I have pretty high expectations for a marriage, mainly because I did not see a good one from my own family of origin. There is no way I would ever settle for that. But I couldn’t expect a good marriage to happen without doing my part of the equation.

To be honest I really think I have always had the Lord on my side. He could have allowed me to end up with one of my previous “wrong” relationships but he did not. He loved me enough (despite me) to give me the perfect person who will complement my very being. A turning point came and I heeded.

This being said, a marriage does not just stop at getting your perfect match. Truth be told, perfect is not even the perfect word. We are one corrupted bunch, which is basically why we needed a Redeemer. Couples should be intentional in pleasing each other, in doing their respective parts in the relationship. Communication is an integral part of marriage. Relationships entail a lot of work. Tantrums can just about break what could be the sweetest of marriage if communication is not healthy. Sometimes you have to be creative and care enough for your spouse’s feelings and suggest a fat burner workout together to assist your spouse’s weight issues than to smack it on her face.

The years sometimes get us to treat our spouse differently.  Fact is, courtship does not have to end at all. I admit to yielding to my stubborn self every now and then. But the moment I switch right back to treating my husband right, then things get better and sweeter. Looking forward to waking up everyday with your spouse beside you is something to behold. Life is too short to sulk in the corner and make up excuses why life is so hard on you when you haven’t exactly done your part towards a better finite life.  We consider ourselves blessed to be able to share how relationships can be restored and actually live life to the fullest for the now and eternity.

I officially got back to my 12 hour schedule in doing online tasks since early last week. It has been a while since my schedule dove down to 8 hours a day. So that only means two things: business is picking up and my health might be on the line again. Balance is the key. I have since learned this when I was too keen on taking up a lot of tasks than my body could actually handle. It was when my resistance went down to its all time low last year. Now I know better. Risking my health only means risking my family’s as well. In fact, I turned in earlier than usual last night — before midnight struck.

Free time is not something I usually get my hands on whenever I fancy. Especially now that I will soon get down to a rigid schedule when I start homeschooling our little guy when June comes. It would possibly mean that I would have practically zero time to do other things like watching my favorite tv series. It would be sweet if we have something like Time Warner Digital. I will be able to record favorite tv programs (which are not plenty) and watch them when I’m free. Simply because I cannot have the program’s time slot (even that of my favorite ones) enslave me and get me off my schedule. Their Time Warner Digital Cable bundle offer will be the most convenient. One bill for all three services: high speed internet, Time Warner Digital Phone and cable services.

Honestly, I literally hear the clock ticking on me. I would like to think that I am given as much task as I could handle now, because I would have no choice but to slow down when I start Jed with homeschool. As much as I am very thrilled for our son to start with school, I cannot help but wonder how I could keep off my laptop and attempt to juggle home school and work. Quality will be the one word that will keep me. Besides, I will have all the time from after lunch onwards to juggle my online tasks and house chores. That will be the time when superwoman will try to be better at what she has been doing all along.

One of the many things we are often are often tackled during marriage counseling is how to affair proof a marriage. Another is how to cope with infidelity. The answer is not easy. In fact, there is really no single defining answer to such question. The hope of a realistic chance that things will ever be back to normal is even thinner. That is if we look at it in the perspective that is humanly possible. But even as the Lord said that His grace will be sufficient, it is in fact possible.

This monster that is called infidelity in a marriage never comes in uninvited. But the invitation is sometimes very subtle that it cannot be detected until it smacks you in the face. It usually begins when the spouse involved in an affair allowed his or her guards down. It starts like any usual innocent relationship, very often with someone who is very familiar to you.  It almost always starts with an attachment that progresses into an emotional affair. If there is something like that of a GE alarm that should serve as a warning, it should be convenient. But since there is none, it is really up to us to be very conscious on the way we get involved when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.

It also does not help if a spouse feels ignored or taken for granted in the marriage relationship. The hubby and I would often go back to having the couple go through the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Just like what  GE home security does. It prevents the incidence of uninvited people getting into our homes by teaching couples to level to each other and learn to speak the spouse’s love language. This will help a couple to absorb the reciprocation of love in marriage more effectively. Just like what a GE security system do to the physical home. When you come to think about it, it totally makes sense to choose to acquire a second language, in the event that you and your spouse happen to speak different love languages.

As the old adage says, “Prevention is better than cure.” And when it is done by speaking each other’s languages, it goes beyond just prevention, but making the most of what is marriage is purposed for to begin with. Nothing is sweeter than a great marriage. With a great marriage, your spouse ceases to just be your wife or husband. He or she becomes your bestfriend and lover rolled into one, until death separates you.

Amongst the handful of photos from our wedding album, this should singlehandedly picture how Jeff and I felt on the day we were officially called husband and wife.  Tell me, can a wife look giddier than this?  I still remember what I was thinking when I was watching my Jeff sign his name on that contract with eagerness, “This is for real, Jeff is now my husband.”  I was so thrilled, my cheekbones could have popped right there. 

Our Wedding Vows

(08 December 2001)

I, Jeff, take you, Jennie, to be my lawfully wedded wife. Knowing in my heart that you will be my constant friend, my faithful partner in life and my one true love.

On this special day, I give to you, in the presence of God and all those in attendance, my sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful husband.  In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad. And I further promise Jennie, to love you without any reservation, to honor and respect you.

To provide for your needs as best as I can, to protect you from harm and to grow with you, in mind and in spirit. To always be honest and open with you and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

 

I, Jennie, take you, Jeff, to be my lawfully wedded husband. Secure in the knowledge that you will my constant friend, my faithful partner in life and my one true love.

On this special day, I give to you in the presence of God and all those in attendance, my pledge to stay by your side as your faithful wife. In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, as well as through the good times and the bad. I promise to love you without reservation, to comfort you in times of distress.

To encourage you to achieve higher goals, to laugh with you and cry with you and grow with you in mind and in spirit. To be open and honest with you and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

Less than two months. That’s practically all I have left to decide how we are going to go about our homeschooling set up here at home. The major things that takes up my schedule is the number of hours I work in the laptop, time with the little guy and the chores. Homeschooling should not take so much time everyday, especially so that we are just doing the preschool curriculum. But then again, it will still be an extra task in my already overloaded daily routine.

It really should not be so hard to figure out what should come down and what to do about it. But I still have these nanny issues and some concerns on getting a helper. Before I decided to work from home in 2007, I was a regular employee in one of those International companies in Ortigas.

Hiring the second nanny (the first one ran away with her boyfriend) was a mistake. My very own eyes witnessed how the one who was suppose to be the caregiver of my son hit my then one year old Jed with a balloon stick. Even with the mark on the child’s arm, she vehemently denied it! Que Horror! This is a nightmare to any parent. I swore that if I would ever have to leave my son to a nanny again, I am going to have one of those security cameras from GE home security. This is a tip from a former workmate. The very first time she left this hidden camera from GE home security system, was the time that she witnessed for herself the horror of leaving her son to the nanny who did nothing but abuse her son the moment she stepped out of their gate.

After what happened to the second nanny I took in, I just knew there was no way I am ever going to get another one to take care of my son. If ever I am to hire a helper, it will be for the chores around the house. It would also be nice if we install a GE alarm system, just to make sure that the burglary incident that happened in 1999 won’t happen again. The culprit mastermind then was our former helper. We later found out that she’s had this reputation of stealing from the people she worked for. We knew too late. You really can’t be so sure these days anymore.

One of the more prevailing things that I discuss with my youth counselees is of the nature of dating. Most of them are over their dating issues but it does not mean the struggle is non-existent. There are even issues that can be persistent, but we are happy that they find the support system from our church family to be able to wind up as victors through it all.

With a sexually charged society that we have, the young people are actually fooled into the fantasy of the dating game– a game that gets a whole handful of hearts broken, at the end of the day. It is important to be aware how to conduct oneself while dating. It is actually a good indicator of the kind of commitment that you want to have in your future relationships. The race towards engagement rings is really overrated. What are you going to do with a wedding, when you end up getting divorced sooner than you got engaged?

So far, I am happy with the progress my girls are showing since I started seeing them. If you knew the community in Makati that we are serving, you will be surprised that a big percentage practices common-law marriage. This erodes morality a great deal and if nothing is done, they will inevitably follow that path.

It blesses my heart to see they want better lives, after suffering the cruelties of dysfunctional families. As true as the world is but imperfect, the fact remains that God’s grace is sufficient and this is the core of whatever it is we share with them, whatever circumstance they are in.  There’s nothing like dating God’s way. 

In any family, communication is very important, especially husbands and wives communicating love to each other, parents to their children and children to their parents. But the problem is that many times, we communicate love in ways that are often misunderstood by those receiving the message. A book written by Gary Chapman entitled the “Five Love Languages” explains this very clearly.

Much like communicating with other people, when we use a different language that the other person can’t understand, this creates miscomunication or misunderstanding. In order for two people to communicate clearly they must both use the same language – either one has to learn the other person’s language.

In Mr. Chapman’s book he explains that there are different ways that we communicate love and he calls them love languages. In our homes, often times, we as individual members use different love languages depending on our uniqueness. This use of different love languages contribute to the lack of love inside the home. The suggestion is to find out our own love language, learn the love language of the other members of the family and learn to express our love to them using their love language which may mean learning a new love language if their love language is not the same as ours.

Love Language # 1: Words of Affirmation

One of the ways we communicate love is through words of affirmation. These are words that build up and not tear down. We often use nagging words to remind somebody in the home about something we want them to do but the best motivation is using encouraging words. Another is using kind words. This means being respectful to each other. Sometimes we are more conscious about being respectful to people outside our homes and we take for granted that we need to start first at home. Another kind of words of affirmation is using humble words. Saying “I’m sorry” of using the words “Forgive me” can mean a lot to people we love. By admitting our mistakes we communicate love and we affirm that we care about each other’s feelings.

*”you’re cute” image from http://wymn.net/2007/07/21/whats-in-a-word/

I have shared in one of my previous entries why it is important to know your spouse’s love language.

Allow me to jump on to the third love language- Gifts. When you say that someone’s love language is receiving gifts, it does not necessarily imply that it means that you are in a high maintenance relationship. If this is your spouse’s love language, diamonds, raymond weil watches, or any other expensive items should not be all what we should be thinking. More often than not a bud of rose especially picked out for your wife is all there is to make her day. Gifts are symbols of love. I would often hear my husband preach from behind the pulpit these words which are eternally true, “You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.”

Fact is, gifts have nothing to do with the monetary value but everything to do with love. This is the easiest love language to learn. Physical presence is a very powerful gift especially in time of crisis. If you listen hard enough, you will know if this is your spouse’s love language.

Read this: There is an actual ad in a Kansas newspaper that reads “I will listen to you talk for thirty minutes without comment for $5.” And your guess is as good as mine, that ten to twenty people called that advert everyday. Imagine the extent of what people are willing to do to get someone to listen to them!

There is an advice from Paul Tournier, a Swiss psychiatrist, to husbands and wives to “be preoccupied with listening in your marriage.” In the book of James it says that “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry..” But the sad fact is this, we just about do the exact opposite. We are slow to listen, quick to speak and even quicker to become angry.

Allow me first to identify the different forms of poor listening habits:

1. Pseudo-listening. Husbands are usually guilty of this. I should know. I can very well tell, when dear hubby is zoning out on me in our conversations.

2. Selective listening. This kind of listening manifests itself especially during arguments. One spouse intentionally takes words from the other’s mouth and take them against him or her. This also happens when you have things in mind like your Cleveland golf clubs while your spouse speaks, and you go on getting the gist of what your spouse is talking about, leaving very important things that your spouse really wants to say. The key really here is to focus. Decide to leave the things in your mind for later and choose to indulge your husband or wife as you converse.

3. Protective listening. This happens when the listener is not interested in listening at all. He or she just might get to the core and ask point blank what the bottom line is. A protective listener just refuses to listen.

4. Surface listening. Another type of selective listening. Concentrating more on just enough to get by with the conversation, but not really enough to reach out to your spouse.

It does take time to learn the skill of listening. The bottom line is good listeners zero in on what the other person is saying. Give your spouse that undivided attention that he or she deserves.

Ephesians 4:31-32 “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. “

As written in a previous post, quarrels, fights, conflicts in any marriage is normal and inevitable. There are even situations when the disappointment, hurt and pain caused by the offending party is so unbearable that the offended party sometimes loses hope of reconciliation or restoration.

The Bible teaches about the sin nature of human beings – that we were born sinners. Which means that we do wrong, foolish and stupid things because we are sinners, not the other way around (which is ‘we are sinners because we do wrong things’). See Romans 5:12 “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned-…”

This sin nature guarantees every couple of the hurts and pain that they will give each other. Our capability to make mistakes or even choose them makes conflicts, frustrations and offense in a couple’s relationship a given.

The difficult but very effective solution that God gives through His word is forgiveness. And His example is Christ, how He has forgiven us.

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

This Biblical definition of forgiveness is quite radical because here we are commanded to forgive not because the person who offended us deserves forgiveness, nor because the offender has admitted the offense. Rather, forgiveness, as exemplified by Christ, in its application, is more for the offended party. As the passage in Ephesians quoted above clarifies, the purpose of forgiveness is to set the offended party free of the bitterness, the anger and the rage that results from another person’s offense against him or her. This type of forgiveness is as sacrificial as Christ’s death for all sinners. It is as painful as what Christ felt when He endured the ridicule and unbelief of the very same people He created. But Biblical forgiveness is also as liberating as Christ’s resurrection after His death.

This coming Valentine’s day, may this entry be of help for couples who fell hopeless about their own marriages – God is in the business of turning deaths into resurrections.

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In any marriage conflict is inevitable and normal. First of all, the differences between a man and a woman are reason enough for conflicts to arise. Furthermore, the differences in personalities and the differences in upbringing spell disaster. That’s why it is very important for couples to understand and accept that conflict is normal in any marriage and can be helpful. It is like a signal that something is wrong and needs to be addressed, adjusted or corrected. Similar to a fever which is the body’s signal that a bacteria or virus is attacking it, conflict in marriage is also a signal and all we need to do is to manage. Every couple needs to learn how to manage conflict. Establishing ground rules for fighting can minimize the damage conflict brings to individuals in the relationship.

Here are some tips on how to fight fair during inevitable conflicts:

1) Never compare. Don’t say, “Why can’t you be more like…” or “You’re just like…” Remember, God made your spouse unique.

2) Never condemn. Don’t use phrases like, “You always… You never…” or “You should… You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Don’t lay on the guilt or play with your partners conscience.” Only God has the right to judge so don’t start statements with “You…” because that sounds judgmental. Instead, start your statements with “I…” “I need this from you…” “I felt this when you did this…” When your spouse uses these words accept it, it doesn’t mean you agree with it but these words are less threatening and less condemning.

3) Never challenge. Don’t threaten. Saying phrases like, “Just try that and see what happens!” The three most common threats in marriage are about sex, money or separation (leaving your spouse). Rule these deadly weapons in your marriage. They are marks of immaturity.

4) Never condescend. Don’t treat your partner like they’re more inferior than you. Don’t use belittling statements like, “You shouldn’t feel that way”. Don’t ridicule them for their explanations or logic. That is playing God.

5) Never confuse. Don’t bring up issues that are unrelated to the current issue. We often do this to get ahead in the argument and intentionally side track our spouse. Stick with the issue.

These are just five tips on how to fight fair. I know that there are more things I could write here. But the principle behind these tips is this: ATTACK THE ISSUE NOT EACH OTHER. Remember, your spouse is not your opponent. You are in the marriage together. The conflict is there for you to identify what you can do to improve and strengthen your marriage.

This entry is a part of the message series we are doing in our church. I hope that readers who love their families and who are serious about making their families better and happier will consider the principles that will be shared. A small note: the principles being shared here are not from me. They are from the Bible and anything written here may be or may not be agreeable to some readers. Let me just give proper information to readers that my bias is for God and the Bible.

As Psalm 127:1a says, ”Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.”

1) God’s design is that a family is to be a shelter in storms.

We all have storms in life because life is tough. Things don’t always go as planned. We need a place of protection, stability, security.

Proverbs 14:26 “In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have refuge.”

In the verse above, God’s children find refuge in Him as their Heavenly Father. God’s relationship with His children, those who have accepted Christ as their personal Savior and Lord, is the perfect example for this. And God created the family to be a shelter (a refuge) in storms.

Some types of storms families face are financial, physical, emotional, intellectual, moral. But in general they can be summed up in three types.

a) Change is a storm. We go through changes in life. We have illnesses, we have deaths, we have graduations, we change jobs, we move, and we adjust in these situations. There needs to be a place that, no matter where the house is, there is a family in it and that we know we can count on.

b) Failure is a storm. We’re not always the winner in life. Sometimes we lose. We get turned down at work for promotion, students get an “F” at school, children don’t make the team, their team has a losing season, or the family may go bankrupt. Things just don’t always go as planned. You can handle a lot of failure in life if you come home to hugs, where there’s a shelter in this kind of storm.

Ecclesiaistes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. 10 For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.”

It is a sad thing to see when husbands, wives, or when children who have experienced som form of failure outside of their home and then they come home and instead of being sheltered, they are nagged at, put down, ridiculed and even punished for what they’ve experienced.

c) Rejection is a storm. This is probably the most difficult storm to handle of all. We hate to be rejected, put down, ridiculed, criticized. Some of the most difficult rejection we may have had was growing up on the playground. Kids are cruel. If we don’t believe in sin nature (that man is born a sinner), just become a teacher. Kids are ruthless. Many of us even today can remember points of pain when we were young or embarrassing situations. We still remember them vividly, when we were embarrassed or put down as a kid. Somebody said something about us and it hurt. If we didn’t have anybody to go home to, to reinforce the positive in our lives, that can have a long lasting, lifetime, emotional wound. We need a storm protector when people put us down.

HOW DO WE APPLY THIS PRINCIPLE AT HOME?

Simply DEMONSTRATE LOVE AT HOME. Through hugs, a long embrace, a simple pat on the back, a kiss. Try it when your husband, your wife or your child gets home, especially during the storms and see what improvement it can make.

Category:Movies
Genre: Classics
*** I’m posting this reflection paper I submitted last semester in my subject Principles of Guidance and Counseling.

Jennifer L. Aspacio Educ 321
Dr. Lerma G. Pasco

This movie is amongst the ranks of movies like Stand and Deliver, Dangerous Minds, et al. These kind of movies continually inspire individuals to go beyond the level of mediocrity.

The movie started off with Richard Dreyfuss’ first day of teaching in John F. Kennedy High School as a music teacher on Music Appreciation subject. Time and again the movie emphasized on the fact that it is Mr. Glen Holland’s (Richard Dreyfuss’ character) dream to be able to finish his composition. As life went on, Mr. Holland transitioned from being a so-so teacher into a teacher who went beyond the mediocre and lived for the purpose of teaching, even as he saw for himself the benefits of his efforts in his students’ lives. This was so with the help of his co-teacher friend who coaches the school’s football team. He told his personal story of how his very own teacher changed his life.

We saw that even as Mr. Holland touched his students’ lives with the way he teaches, he himself also is brought into maturity in the very events in his personal life. We evidently see the conflict within his family how he diverted his attention into teaching his class in school while his actions totally suggest a denial of his son’s hearing impairment. Which is a major despair for him, even as he is so much into music and the desperation was even more reflected with his realization that the great Beethoven lost his sense of hearing in his adulthood, while his son was born deaf.

It is interesting to note how Mr. Holland changed the lives of people around him, not just his students, but even of the teachers and the school’s principal, whom he only rubbed cold elbows with in the beginning. With the duration of time and as people saw for themselves, this teacher’s dedication to his craft and his character of a man, peoples’ lives were changed, and showed their appreciation for his life towards the end of the movie when they all showed him, that his life’s ultimate composition/opus is the people’s lives which he has touched and changed.

But before that happened, it turned out that as human as he is, the casualty of Mr. Holland’s dedication to his work was his family as he took them for granted, especially his son, who surprisingly was brought up by his mom to still be confident despite the conspicuous rejection from his father, who obviously didn’t bother learning the ropes of signing for his son’s sake. It was only when his son was towards his adulthood that he saw how he missed all those years of growing up and knowing him. From then on, he came to terms with his disability and accepted him for what he is.

There came a realization of a hole in Mr. Holland’s heart when towards the prime of his life he has realized he has not fulfilled his dream of finishing his music. During this time a temptation struck him. Rowena, a young lady with a golden voice who looked up to him with awe and attraction, came into the picture offering him affirmation of what he is as a truly gifted musician, which his wife has failed to provide him because of her very own pre-occupation with attending to their son’s special needs. Mr. Holland stood in that crossroad of his life and he passed it with flying colors when despite the many frustrations he must have had with his family, he still chose his family over the hopeful future he might have with Rowena who he knows can embrace his love for music and he knows he can finally finish his life long dream to finish his opus, which he entitled after her name.

This crossroad wherein Mr. Holland selflessly chose to do what’s right and not what’s convenient for him. Choosing his family over his personal interest. It was a test of character for his part and as he chose to stick to his commitment to his family and what’s right rather than choose selfishly what he could have rationalized as rightfully his (his finally finishing his composition). Towards the climax of the movie, he saw right before his eyes, in total amazement, the rewards of all his selflessness and dedication to the very purpose of his being. All of the generations of students whose lives he has changed were all there playing the very opus he has put his heart and soul into and has thought all along that day he will never get to see.

This is a very encouraging and inspiring movie that we could always go back to and know in our hearts that there is always something that we can do that can make a difference and even as we do it one day at a time, it piles up without our knowing it and the difference that we make contribute a great deal to a hopeful future to people that we influence and love.

Author: Sara June Davis & Lindy Beam

I got ahold of a copy of this booklet several years ago and it has proven to be a keeper with its now tattered state, it tells how it has been used and abused even as I employ this every so often in the discipleships that I do with my girls.

What I love most about it is not just the clear statements on its principles, but the reasons behind the principles that every girl or woman would definitely relate to. When a reason is put behind every principle, I guess it becomes easier to grasp. With the things that were shared in this booklet, purity is within arms length and ceases to just be make believe, or only for the holies.

It discusses why purity is so important and this “purity” doesn’t just apply to being a virgin before your wedding night, it’s more than just the physical.

Even as the authors started off with getting the reader to imagine a pristine lake free of murky muddle. It ends with a challenge to keep that lake pure by living beyond the mediocrity level in a practical but realistic way of living.

I strongly feel for this even as I am now a parent myself. My DH and I are determined to raise Jed aright.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” Heb. 13:4. The whole package of learning from this book basically surrounds this theme. It identifies the several pollutants of the mind that presently exists in our society.

This review is is yet undone and I do hope to share more of the teachings of this material as time permits. For now, I leave with you this question …

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What’s Your Thought Life Got To Do With It?

Sexual purity is much more than just abstinence until marriage. It’s a mindset based on God’s standards and His plans for you as a woman. Learn how to combat the media’s distortions about romance, sex, and the so-called lack of consequences and choose life and health instead!

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Dare 2 Dig Deeper is a registered trademark of Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.

]]> http://www.marriageandbeyond.com/2008/01/22/dare-to-dig-deeper-series-fantasy-world/feed/ 0 http://www.marriageandbeyond.com/2008/01/22/five-basic-needs-of-women/ http://www.marriageandbeyond.com/2008/01/22/five-basic-needs-of-women/#comments Tue, 22 Jan 2008 04:28:19 +0000 Jennie http://www.marriageandbeyond.com/2008/01/22/five-basic-needs-of-women/ Read: Five Basic Needs of Men The first basic need of women is Affection. This involves a variety of factors that changes over time. It changes through the seasons of a woman’s life. Security, comfort and approval. The second is Conversation. God surely has given us the ability to communicate a tad more than He [...]]]>

Read: Five Basic Needs of Men

The first basic need of women is Affection. This involves a variety of factors that changes over time. It changes through the seasons of a woman’s life. Security, comfort and approval. The second is Conversation. God surely has given us the ability to communicate a tad more than He has given men. Although, we have been given this, there are also measures that we should take note of. Women, in general, have a much greater need for communication than men do. Studies show that women loved to talk about the same things a minimum of three times. They talk at a different level than men do. There are five levels of communication, these are: Cliche, Reporting Facts, Ideas and Opinions, Feelings and Emotions and Complete Trust and Truth. An average man would only go as far as Reporting Facts and that’s about it. Giving their ideas and opinion will be the first level they would take and they do it feeling it is a risk. As for women, to go as far as the fifth level is but very ordinary. The husband should take note that it is his responsibility to create the proper environment for conversation.

Women’s third basic need is Honesty and Openness. It is interesting to note that most wives perceive their husbands as not telling the whole truth. The Bible emphasizes to always speak the truth. Ephesians 4:25 says to put away lying. It is habit forming to lie. It eventually destroys trust and we can track back to the cycle from the times couples are still dating. The fourth is Financial Support. For obvious reasons, families grow and needs arise. Women’s fifth basic need is Family Commitment. A lot of women are often frustrated with the lack of commitment their husbands seem to have for the family. The problem with the silence of men began with Adam. Read Genesis 3:16

The conclusion to the study of the difference of men and women’s basic needs are:

1. A basic problem is that husbands and wives attempt to meet their spouses need by meeting one of their needs.

2. By learning to understand your spouse as a totally different person than you, you can become an expert at meeting all your spouse’s needs, that is, if you want to.

3. You must be prepared to meet needs you may not have or understand.

Genre: Parenting & Families
Author: Helen B. Andelin

I have read this book nearly 30 times! And have practically given away a few copies when I was able.

Fascinating Womanhood encourages practical applications and are very effective! Through times and generations, it has never ceased to present and prove the validity of where it is based from, the Bible! The countless lives it has changed will be the proof of the impact of the teachings shared by Andelin. Timeless indeed!

Many women have started to enjoy the feast on the table rather than settling and being content on feeding on the crumbs that fall underneath it! I figured I could come up with all the superlatives, but will never come close to detailing all the wonderful things this book offers.

It may be a constant struggle for many women, including myself. But whenever we come to apply the principles, the results are just amazing and it just makes our efforts all so worth it. Which reminds me to go back to applying the very principles as I used to.

If there would be just ONE must read for all the women of the world, excluding the Bible, of course, this will be IT! In so doing, you will understand why I had to read it those many number of times. It’s something I always go back to whenever I fail in one part of my being a wife, or just being a regular woman in general.

My friends would attest to my being an advocate of Andelin’s teachings! I got most of them to get a copy and they are all so into it, professing testimonies upon testimonies of lives being changed, some even hopeless and failing marriage going back to honeymoon stage ever after! It’s possible! It’s not really a matter of getting to maneuver your man anyway you want (that would be a plus, though! **snickers**) But being just downright fascinating with the ways that you will acquire through years of practice and passion. And by being that, it would be effortless to enjoy your being a queen/princess/baby to your man! (whatever it is you would want to be).

I think it is on Eldredge’s book, A Sacred Romance (now that’s another review), where I came to realize the very fact that there is an innate need for women to be chased and loved like there’s no tomorrow (that’s my version :>) Which brings us to the saying that “Men give love for sex, and women give sex for love). We have very distinct differences with men, which makes us just that — different. And it’s either we just live life as it is, live it according to the bandwagon of our generation or choose to figure out and understand the dynamics of being a woman as God has created us to be! The principles taught here surpass the diverse cultures of the world, to say the least.

Do I just love this book! It’s almost always out of stock, I swear! May God bless you and enrich your life, single or married. It’s immaterial. Fact is, you will just be the woman that God has in mind when He formed you, to begin with. The clause: Apply the principles!

I have heard a number of how-to’s in keeping love alive in marriages. I will not dare claim to be an authority on love, I just hope to share with you, even as I do with the people we counsel, the factors that work for us in our own marriage.

 

1. The absolute first is love like God loves. Who can best model love more than Christ Himself. Love unconditionally. If a couple goes about their marriage in a day to day basis with this in mind, living selflessly will not be as hard as it seem.

 

2. Second is to affair proof your marriage. Nothing kills the romantic feeling faster than the thought that your spouse doesn’t wholly belong to you.

 

3. For those with children, the third most important thing is to raise them up right in an ungodly culture. The world deteriorates double time, physically and morally speaking. I can not emphasize enough the significance of the parents being the model and source of moral foundation to your child. There are definitely absolute truths that we should impart to them. And there’s no better way to teach these to them than right from the formative years.

 

4. Work together especially through the tough times. How many times have it been said that the real beauty of gold is seen after it gets refined under fire. But fact is, no marriage is immune to tough times. Those trying times, in whatever form, should strengthen your marriage, not harm it.

 

This basic four don’t just spell out the inevitable loving note of romance that comes as an overflow from truly loving each other. It is the little things we choose on a daily basis, coming together reconciling with these four factors. The bonus is, it does not just keep romance in a marriage, it also is the key to a strong family.

Our two year, seven months cutie pie singing. . .

“Read your Bible, pray everyday, pray everyday, pray everyday. Read your Bible, pray everyday. And you grow, grow, grow.”

What better reminder this is to start the year. We did our first family devotion for the year last night. And even as we saw Jed getting restless as minutes passed, he still tried very hard to stay put to listen and when his papa led the prayer, he would babble with random words “salamat po, et al,” trying to participate in the family prayer in his own way.

Our heart is for our family to grow spiritually (even as the song suggests) as we choose these spiritual disciplines and instill in our son the love of God and putting Him first.

You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. Deuteronomy 11:18-19

Tomorrow, Jeff will officiate a wedding yet again. Weddings are just the finest events on earth if you ask me. Going back to the time God presented Eve to Adam, how lovely could it have been? That’s the scene that repeats itself in my head even as I witness weddings that I have planned and coordinated, some of which I was just one of the many guests. No matter how many details are entailed for the organizers, weddings never cease to make me giddy all over again. Need I say more? I love weddings! That’s why I truly take pride in the weddings that I deliver and help coordinate, because I only give my best, no less.

Marriage is not a uniquely Christian institution. In fact, it has been around long before the biblical times, so to precisely define a wedding ceremony to be “Christian” isn’t easy. Let me start off by describing a typical church wedding in the west, then the various parts in details. The ceremonial symbols: Ring, Veil, Cord, Coins/Arrhae.

Now even as another wedding is coming up, I am yet again fascinated just how Jeff explained to the couple some days back during their pre-marital counseling what the symbols in our traditional wedding ceremony signify. These elements may have just started as tradition, some even came about for “luck.” Here we hope to share the biblical meanings behind these symbols in Jeff’s own words:

The Rings

The rings symbolize God’s unending love, just as the shape of a ring has no beginning and no end. These symbols stand as the model of love for the husband and the wife who have both pledged their commitment to each other; and as they wear the rings, they are reminded of each other’s love.

The Veil

The veil is placed on the groom’s shoulders and on the bride’s head. This symbolizes the roles given in Ephesians 6 – to the husband – to love his wife as Christ loved and gave His life for the Church; to the wife – to submit to the husband’s leadership as Christ is recognized as the head of the Church. Responsibility for leadership resting on the man’s shoulders and the symbol of submission of the woman is shown perfectly through this symbol.

The Cord

This binds the man and the woman, as seen at the first wedding in Genesis 2:27, “For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be UNITED to his wife, and they will become ONE flesh.” The union that is displayed also has a practical application for the couple. The husband must not pull his part of the cord towards himself so as not to displace the wife’s uniqueness. Similarly, the wife must not pull her part of the cord towards herself so as not to displace the husband’s uniqueness.

The Coins/Arrhae

In weddings, coins are used to symbolize prosperity and blessing for the couple. But taking the Biblical perspective and design, in the Christian wedding, the coins are given to the husband and his acceptance of these symbolizes his taking on of the responsibility to be the provider as God is to His children. One of the names of God in the Bible is Jehovah Jireh which means ‘the Lord will provide.’

The Bible

Traditional ceremonies often don’t have this element. In the Christian wedding, the Bible, which is God’s manual for life, is given to the husband. His acceptance of the Bible is symbolic to his acceptance of the role of being the spiritual leader of the family. It is interesting to see in the first seven chapters of Proverbs that they all (except chapter one where it is mentioned in the 8th verse) begin with ‘My son’ or a father’s words to his son. It is implied that fathers (the husband) should lead the family spiritually – in teaching the Bible, going to church, serving in the church, etc. This symbol is very important in the Christian wedding ceremony.

The Unity Candle

Matthew Chapter 5 gives Christians the title, “light of the world.” As the groom and the bride have professed that they are followers of Christ, this then implies that each one’s life serves as a light to the people around them. But, as a married couple, and as their lives are united, their marriage and their Christian home will now serve as the light, the example, for the people and families they get in touch with. The ideal is that their marriage would be a great testimony of God’s faithfulness, love and mercy.