posted by Jennie on Apr 6
We are blessed to have been able to get hold of books like The Strong Willed Child by James Dobson, On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo, Standing Tall by Steve Farrar, et.al., at the times that we needed them. The hubby and I read Standing Tall and On Becoming Babywise just before I gave birth to our son and The Strong Willed Child, during the threat of the terrible twos. We officially call it a “threat,” because it really only lasted a couple of months, tops. The Lord clearly led us to this book to have us figure out how to handle that critical period of raising a child.
Sure it was a battle of the wills, the most frustrating time ever. But the Lord led us to the Biblical way of handling that phase and now we enjoy the benefits of having a loving and secure child who not only respects authority, but is also a joy to live with. Oh no, he is not all bright and shiny, he has his days as well. But nothing that a sincere talk cannot handle. He knows who is in charge and he knows that he is loved.
The war between attachment parenting and the other extreme was at its peek when I gave birth to our son. But I knew that as a family, we did not have to conform to either of the two. We listened to both sides and figured out from there which is extreme, which is not and decided to be led by no less than God himself through his Word.
Here is another parenting insight from Biblical Parenting. Be blessed and may we impact the lives of our children the way the Lord has intended us to.
Many parents use a simple behavior modification approach to raise their children. If you get your homework done, then you can go out and play. If you clean your room, then you can watch a video. Unfortunately children trained this way often develop a “What’s in it for me?” mentality. “If I don’t get something out of it, why should I obey?”
God is concerned with more than behavior. He’s interested in the heart. The heart contains motivations, emotions, convictions, and values. A heart-based approach to parenting looks deeper. Parents still require children to finish their homework and clean up their rooms but it’s the inner motivation and character that they’re addressing.
A heart-based approach shares values and reasons behind rules. It requires more dialogue, helping children understand how their hearts are resistant and need to develop cooperation. A heart-based approach is firm but also relational. It’s a mindset on the part of parents that looks for heart moments that then bring about significant change.
As you consider your children, remember the words that God said to Samuel, “Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.”
This concept is explained more fully of the book, Parenting is Heart Work, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
April 7th, 2009 at 7:30 am
Just for accuracy, Gary Ezzo is not a doctor and the American Association of Pediatrics has cautioned against Babywise-style scheduling. It is false to present Babywise as a “middle ground” between AP and another extreme, when BW is really representative of the other “extreme” even though it tries to present itself as not. Loss of milk supply for mothers, delayed weight gain for infants, and stress within the family are common among BW families.
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Jennie Reply:
April 7th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Hello Not a Doctor,
Thank you for the correction. Ezzo is not the one who’s the medical doctor but his co-author is, Robert Bucknam. I don’t remember mentioning that BW is middle ground. I know a lot have labeled it as the other extreme and it could be for some reason. This is why there were just certain principles that we took from On Becoming Babywise and it worked for us, still does. It did say that scheduling does not have to be rigid, you device a system where it will work best for all concerned.
Our baby started sleeping through the night at two months and he is not undernourished in any way. In fact, all through his infancy up until now, all his developmental milestones (physical and otherwise) are all above average. BW has very practical and Biblical principles, if one will really look into it. Like not allowing babies to play with things that are not toys. It protects them from dangers that they could get themselves into otherwise.
Especially the principle of “Freedom comes with responsibility.” What else can be more practical than that? Why would any parent give a child to freedom to handle the remote control, for instance when he is not ready yet to know what it is for and it will just end up being dropped and broken. The book’s principles really make sense and it has been almost four years and we’re reaping the benefit of a well behaved, secure and loving child.
It’s a plus that I do not have to run around during meals to chase him and give him the food. It has been discipline that taught our son to stay seated until he’s done with his food, right from the time he was able to seat on his high chair. Why would I subject myself to unnecessary woes of motherhood when there’s a better way to enjoy parenting my son and train him up to be a disciplined individual right from the beginning.
It is also false to conclude that there is a danger for a child brought up BW way will grow up insecure. Whoever who has met our son will say otherwise. The stress is definitely non-existent in our family. Never a delayed weight issue right from infancy, as well. People should really investigate further on the principles behind BabyWise. This is coming from a family that has benefited from its principles right from day one.
All this being said, I just hope to tell you, Not a Doctor, that what we share here are all off shoot from what we learned through the years. If BW is not for other families, then it’s their choice. I have nothing against families who take up AP instead. That’s their choice. As for us we don’t get ourselves dictated by any type, whether AP or BW. We just take up principles that make sense and prove to be biblical, apply them and we see from there. So far, we’re good.
Have a great week and God bless you.
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April 12th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I’ve got a little one myself and another on the way.. thanks for the tips I can use all the advice i can get!
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